My Google Search History During Bar Prep

But let me tell you—once you start Googling, it’s like falling into one of those foam pits at a trampoline park. You think you’re climbing out, one panicked step at a time, but the pit just swallows you back in with slightly more anxiety. I Googled EVERYTHING. Here’s just a brief preview of what my Google history looked like during these trying times:

●       “Is the Ontario bar exam easy?”

●       “What loans can I get with bad credit?” (Bar prep is expensive, and my wallet is weeping.)

●       “Does everyone pass the bar exam?”

●       “What happens if I don’t pass the first three times?”

●       “Can I just become a lawyer, Erin Brockovich style?” (Spoiler: no.)

●       “Should I use indices or the detailed table of contents?”

●       “Which sitting is easiest? Which sitting is cursed? June.” (I wrote in June…waiting for my results… oh…em…gee.)

●       “Is it bad if my articling principal didn’t hire me back?”

●       “How hard is it to get a job as a new bar-called lawyer?”

●       “Are SimpliLaw charts worth it?” (Yes, yes multiplied by 100000000000000.)

●       “How much weight gain is normal during bar prep?”

●       “Should I skip all the tax and calculation questions?”

●       “Can I still pass if I didn’t read all the materials?”

●       “Does failure mean I’m not lawyer material?”

●       “Can you sue the LSO for emotional damage?”

Honestly, I know what you're thinking, and yes, I 100% agree … my browser needs a wellness check ASAP.

Most of those searches were panic-driven. I’ve wanted to be a lawyer since elementary school. And suddenly, the finish line was right there—but so was the terrifying thought that I might not make it. It’s the kind of fear that no one truly understands unless they’ve been through it. The years of late nights, financial strain, mental strain, and gallons of coffee... the idea of it all slipping away is beyond gutting.

But Google can also be a comfort. I found practice exams, blog posts, and Reddit threads filled with people who didn’t pass on their first try, or their second, or even their third. And yet... they’re now full-fledged, practicing lawyers, thriving in their careers and mentoring others. That gave me hope.

I also found:

●       Forums with checklists, timing sheets, and study hacks;

●       Encouraging posts from people who guessed half the exam and still passed (I can’t stress enough how badly I pray for this to be me); and

●       Reassurance that if you fail, you are not a failure.


Google became a support system—a weird, chaotic friend who knew everything and nothing at once.

But my Google searches had a dark side - the side that makes you feel like trash. You all know who makes us feel this way, those anonymous keyboard warriors who casually say:

●       “The bar exam’s not that hard.”

●       “If you need three tries, maybe this isn’t the career for you.”

●       “I didn’t even read the materials and still passed.”

First of all, how rude. Secondly, please be quiet. That kind of stuff can mess with your head—make you feel like you’re already behind, even if you’re doing your absolute best.

But I want to give you some words of wisdom that Google won't tell you:

●       Google can help, but it can’t decide your future;

●       Everyone’s path is different;

●       Only you know what works for you; and

●       And no Reddit post, checklist, or ‘Karen’ commenter knows your strengths better than you do.

Remember that you’re the one writing the exam. You’re the one who’s showing up, day after day, despite the doubt and pressure and has done the work. Google may offer some guidance, but the answers are in you.

Now excuse me while I clear my search history... just in case anyone ever tries to use it as evidence in a sanity hearing.

Sincerely,
G-Search